There' Hope

In the beginning, their exist the question will I pass?  Every crossdresser , I have known and probably there are thousands of others in the closet who ask the same question

    Actually the answer is who cares, enjoy and have fun for isn't it the reason for dressing up in the first place. To remove the stress and strain of living. However in the beginning, embarrassment, guilt and secrecy play a much bigger role. Especially if one is married. In this regard, Honesty is the answer, for in my practice as a Transgender Counselor I have witnessed the consequences of denial and the effects of getting caught either by my wife or earlier, my sister, finding bits and pieces of my wardrobe in my drawers or finding her clothing messed up or out of place.

     Initially when I started, I plead guilty to all these practices only to be discovered initially by my mother who came home early one day unannounced when I was wearing a wedding dress lent to my sister for her fall wedding.

.  One weekend that summer, my sister and mother were seeing whether the gown needed to be altered.  I noticed that it was made of heavy white satin with an empire waist, puffed sleeves and high neckline. The skirt fell to the floor and was held out by many petticoats. The tiara was attached to a train, which then drifted off the shoulders and fell to the floor. Since it fit her quite well, she hung it up in her closet.  I knew immediately, that I would try it on when ever I had the first opportunity; It was to my mind and soul stunningly beautiful.  Later that summer, she decided that she would prefer something new, something she could then pass down to her children.  The dress remained in her closet for the better part of the summer.

     One day, when the house was quiet, I realized the time had come to try it on and see how I would look as a blushing bride.  So I proceeded to put on the long white slip and the three petticoats that were hanging with the gown. I then took down the wedding dress and brought it downstairs, where there was much more room, and put it on.  To my amazement, it fit very well. With my safety pin technique, I was able to zip it up the back. At that point, disaster struck, as the chain broke loose from the clasp and came away in my hand..  I said to myself, "Oh well, I will have to find another way to unzip it when I am ready to take it off."  I felt so beautiful and I loved the feel of it!  I walked into mother's bedroom to get some hairpins to attach the tiara and train in place, and then finding my sister's makeup, I put on the eye shadow, mascara and rouge, as I had done before, and finished by applying a burgundy lipstick. I then put on the dangling rhinestone earrings and the matching necklace. I waltzed back into the room and gazed at myself in the mirror feeling terrific-until I noticed my mother's startled countenance looking back at me in the mirror.   Surprisingly she didn't faint or yell.  All she said was, "My, you look like a beautiful bride, and just like your sister."

    However the next incident occurred much later by my first wife who discovered her drawers and clothing were not in the same order she had them in. After counseling she decided that it was too much to cope with and so the marriage ended in divorce.  So much for secrecy,  Early on in the beginning of our relationship, Jeanette discussed her concern about my crossdressing with her best friend Pat. Pat simply replied, tell Chaz to buy his own cosmetics or clothes, whatever the case may be. On hearing her remarks, Jeanette remarked to me later that she laughed and admitted to Pat without remorse, he looks better in most clothes than I do. Pat had laughed and pointedly remarked, however, you are real and he isn't, and in most cases you look very stunning in what you wear. It is really all on how you look at it. This conversation with Pat was handled without rancor as there was no hidden agenda, whereas in many on going relationships there are often many hidden agendas.  However, in many cases, similar conversation with close friends may provide a handle for the wife to now begin a constructive dialogue with her crossdressing husband.

    .       All too often we hear about the emotional pain that wives and partners experience from their crossdressed partners, yet, rarely do we hear about those wives and partners who find joy with a crossdressed husband or partner.  Many wives have stated to us that they enjoyed the experience, when it involved a fantasy fair, Halloween or other safe gatherings such as cross-dressing conventions which involved other crossdresser’ wives. In these cases, they felt they had retained their anonymity from the public. The majority, however, preferred anonymity without any stigma of association. In many instances, this is related to selfishness on the part of the crossdressing husband.  His attitude of “I want what I want and your feelings don't count," is the complete opposite of mutual love and respect that should prevail in a loving committed relationship.  This inappropriate attitude rules out communication and compromise, as it denies not only her sexual dignity but her human dignity as well. As a result, most wives then engage in a classic denial pattern from "I don't want you to do it or I don't want to know about it when you do it. 

Initially life in the closet is not that simple and yes you will not look that attractive initially, for it takes time. However, by following these simple suggestions on style and preparation  you will achieve what you desire:

• What is it you are trying to achieve by dressing up in feminine clothing
• Decide what aspect of style is important to you.
• Ultimately is it just around the house or eventually going out in public in all cases we can help you decide on what style is appropriate for you, acquire items you would need to go out, such as support garments, forms, etc.
•  Finally the secret to success is confidence, confidence, confidence and practice ,practice, practice !!!!!

                                               

                                               Some of the HUGE mistakes I see TG females make include:

                                                                    Wearing cheap wigs
                                                                    Dressing like hookers
                                                                    Acting nervous and awkward in public
                                                                    Wearing tacky makeup                                                           
                                                                    Talking fast and without expression
                                                                    Manly behavior




                                                                               Preparation